a sketchbook.

Brokebad Mountain

2011-12-31T00:24:00.002-06:00

A True Sketch

2011-11-02T18:41:00.000-05:00

So, the original idea for this blog was that it is a sketchbook for me to post my "sketches". It's a way for feedback. I haven't used it the way it was meant to be used since I started blogging. So here goes. This is a rough draft of a story. Email me with any notes you might have. Make it constructive. Don't just tell me you love it, mom.

Sample

Please saysomething, she said.
I sat there with myfeet twisted around the legs of the kitchen chair, legs chewed gnarlyby our deaf and blind dog, Mathis. It was two weeks after theaccident, two weeks after the funeral. We still had the pictures up.We still had the vases full of flowers, pink and brown, smelling likesweet decay. Mom knelt in front of me with a hand on each shoulderbegging me to talk about it, but there wasn't anything to say eventhough there was so much. My Uncle Ben and Aunt Pat were there too,standing statuesque behind Mom. And behind them, Dad paced. Mathispinballed his way around the kitchen. The soft clank of his bodyhitting a cabinet, the swoosh of his furry side sliding along thewood. He moved in circles still, a sheltie who never learned to stopherding. It used to be, maybe a year earlier, he would herd us allmorning long as we opened presents on Christmas. Except now, in hisblindness, he herded people less. It was closer to “The YellowWallpaper”.

download pdf

Perfection is a Mutha Fuckin' Rainbow, Mutha Fucka!

2011-10-13T12:09:00.001-05:00

I am off today. A whole day away from a coffee shop and really the only thought I had upon waking was, "coffee". I feel like I've eaten peanuts for lunch too many times in the past month. It's actually pretty disgusting. What can I say? I'm a busy guy.

I had a pretty good talk with my friend, Dan, about rewriting a story you've rewritten a dozen times before. It's nice to know that it's not just me who feels this way. That shit is WORK. My writing sample for grad school is one such example. It's a story that was birthed in a tutoring session while I was in a nonfiction class. It was this small instance about hearing a friend of mine being hit by his dad. Not seeing it, but the sound of it. I don't know how long that version was, but it had to be at least four years ago. I have been writing versions of it since then. Now that I know all the pieces, it's the putting them all together that is kind of boring. Even this blog is a form of me putting it off. It gets to the point where it literally just feels like sitting in a chair for hours. Teachers, other writers, all tell you that this is hard work. It truly is. I have snippets of breakthrough though. Still, after years, I realize that this one word needs to be changed. And when I change it, perfection.

I'm putting in the hours. This story will be finished soon. Done.

Until I decide it isn't.

I guess, as an artist, you always strive for that perfect thing. That final product. Maybe I'm later at figuring this out than most of the writers, painters, musicians I know. That finality is a rainbow. It will always be over there. I don't know. It just made sense to me now. Slow learner, I guess.

so true.

For Those About to Blog...

2011-09-21T17:49:00.002-05:00

This is my salute to my friends and their blogs. I type this while my cat tries to rest his head on the keyboard. This could take a while.

These are in no real order.

David Peak
I had class with David. It was my first Advanced Fiction Writing class and he slayed. His blog actually inspired me to start one. His writing is tight and his blogging has become more and more sporadic. David Peak is a busy man.

Ghost Factory

Blue Square Press

Sheree L. Greer

Big shocker here: I also had class with Miss Greer. It was earlier in my college career, and I was intimidated to say the least. I was a sophomore and she was a GRAD STUDENT. It was a class on first novels and I hadn't even really finished a short story so I can't have had much to say. Still, she took time to think of constructive things to say about whatever lackluster thoughts I wrote down.

Zack Willhoff
Holy shit, it's my brother! He's a kick ass writer and a kick ass musician. He just kicks ass. That's all you really need to know. OH, and he does music reviews.

Emily Skaja

I don't really know how to judge poetry. I just know that I like some and I don't like some. Needless to say, I really like Emily's stuff. It gets me.

Geoff Hyatt

Possibly the only person on this list I haven't had an actual conversation with. I knew of him through college, but we never had a class. He had me at hello when he posted this.

Geoff Hyatt

Galactic Hangover

Christian Woodruff

We bonded over Bradbury. He writes and illustrates. Most recently he was at the Sunday Night Sex Show.

Sorry if I forgot someone.

Is Your Government Running?

2011-08-14T22:16:00.001-05:00

That would be the title of my political essay if I ever had the interest in writing a political essay.

I am dog sitting for a few days. A friend is on vacation and I get to watch this amazing dog.

Her name is Cricket and she's pretty much awesome. The other day she murdered a rat. A cold blooded killer, though you couldn't tell from her picture.

I recently moved to a new apartment. The apartment itself is worth a post of its own. I love the space. I love the light. The landlord also deserves a post of her own but I won't give her the glory. She is interesting. She is an Eastern European woman with a wonderfully thick accent, and she's the kind of person that needs a lot of pushing to get things done. My brother hasn't had a door on his room since we moved in Aug. 2nd. For instance.

"Don't Vorry Andrea. The door vill definitely be put in on Monday or Tuesday."

Definitely Monday. Or Tuesday. OK. So there's the landlord. Also, today outside the building that's behind mine, sort of across the alley, were actual gang members. While I was dropping Zack off, I saw one lift up his shirt at a passing car to show off the handle of a gun. Cool!

This novel I'm working on is taking excellent shape. My characters are driving to Alaska. They have met an astrologist who they thought was an astronomer. They have murdered. They have known very little about what they are doing. One of them is Jackson Jackson, a hoarder who even seems to hoard his own first name. One of them is a blind woman named Justice. She thinks she can see the future. The third and final is Ben. He is the least hoarderly, least blind of them. He is the driver. He is the catalyst.

The birth of this novel is an interesting one. It is both my first and my second novel idea. I started writing these characters in an Advanced Fiction Writing class at Columbia College. It was my first Advanced class and I was sure that what I was writing was a novel. It wasn't. It was a random string of instances that were mostly sexual and drug induced and mostly ripping off Craig Clevenger's character in Dermaphoria. The main story line was: Jackson Jackson takes a drug and has sex with Justice. Justice chokes Jackson. Jackson feels alive. In this class I met a friend named Ingrid Rojas. One of the first things she said to me outside of class was, "The choking is interesting."

"..."

The next Advanced I had, I threw out that story and those characters. I started working on my "real first novel". It will still get written. I have no doubts about that. But fast forward to 2009. It was October and Jackie Astorga asked if I was going to participate in NaNoWriMo. I said sure. She wanted someone to do it with her. To push her. One of the rules was that it had to be new material. I didn't feel that it was cheating to use old characters so I mined Jackson and Justice and Ben from that old pile of garbage and got them into a car. I wrote 50,000 words and a lot of them were trash, but some of it was very fun and beautiful. I put it all aside for a while after NaNoWriMo was over. I tried writing a story that I could put in my Grad school application. The story sucked. I didn't get accepted. I returned to "Old News" as I was calling it then.

I've now put my "real first novel" on hold and am focusing solely on the story of Jackson, Justice, and Ben. I think I will be finished by October 5th, 2011. I will be 26 years old. I will be a "novelist" and no longer just a "bloggist".

Wish me luck.

Esther Kim is tha Shit, Yo.

2011-08-02T21:17:00.000-05:00

Here she is.

On Tobias Funke

2011-07-26T15:20:00.000-05:00

I wonder if part of the reason Arrested Development was cancelled was because of characters like Tobias. He was pretty much asexual. People didn't know how to classify him. Or Buster for that matter. Or George Michael, maybe. Tobias' sexuality and Buster's intelligence were both made fun of but never made clear. Was Tobias gay? He certainly didn't seem sexually interested in his wife (Portia De Rossi for those not in the know). He did have a lot of man crushes. I think he had the possibility of being gay but he was too much like a child to know it yet. He was pre-sexual in a way. I wonder if audiences didn't like that. I wonder if audiences didn't like not knowing whether Buster was retarded or just extremely sheltered. Does the ability to classify a character increase a show's or a book's or a film's chances of success? Most definitely. That means more people can "connect" even if it is a more shallow connection than an extremely complex character that only the author truly understands. Does that necessarily mean that classless character results in an unsuccessful show, book, or film?

I guess I need to quantify "success". Let's say, for the sake of simplicity: 10 seasons for a show. 100,000 copies for a book. $200,000,000 for a movie's theatrical run.

Thinking about characters that defy categorization: who are some other characters that fit this? Do they fit into the realm of "successful"? In the end, it doesn't really matter but I am interested in the possible conversations that could be had.

Judge Holden from Blood Meridian is pretty much pure violence. At first he is a little harder to put into a category. He is this smart, hairless member of a group of Apache hunters. Still he is intriguing. Though, by the end of the book, he pretty much fits snugly into a classification, so maybe he isn't a good example. I would say the book is successful, but maybe not at first. I read somewhere that it only sold about 2,500 copies in it's original run. This could be falsehood, though because I don't know where I read that. Since then the book has been listed as one of the best books in the American Language. The Judge has also been named the 43rd greatest character in fiction since 1900, so I think it is a success.

I'm blanking on possible ambiguous characters other than Tobias Funke and Buster Bluth, so I will now pass the topic on to the next person.

Harry Camping and The Deathly Hallows Pt. 2

2011-07-15T10:22:00.000-05:00

Ragtime, Yo!

2011-06-21T09:51:00.000-05:00

I've been having fun when I write. It seems so obvious while I'm doing it, while I'm in that zone, but sometimes it seems so hard to do. Lately I've been doing things I don't usually do. I have been writing by hand only. I have been writing on the train. I have been EXPERIMENTING.
My routine is such:
I read on my way to work. This can be on my phone--I happen to be reading some Sheree Greer at the moment--or it can be in book form. The book I'm reading now is, if you haven't guessed by my blog title, Ragtime by E.L. Doctorow. If I am particularly tired I will open up my Pulse Reader and scroll through my headlines. I work in Oak Park now so I get a lot of reading done in my commute from the Blue Line to the Green Line.
When I finish work I am pretty exhausted but I work at a GD coffee shop so I drink myself some GD coffee. Then I read a little while I wait for the train as a way to get out of work mode and into the more cerebral part of my day. With a whine the train pulls in and I get on and I sit down and I write.
I used to work in the loop and my commute was one 15 minute train so I sort of honed my skills in immediacy because that's pretty much the only time of my day when I get to write and focus on my words alone. Back in the present I have 45 min. to an hour to get my scene rolling. And roll it does. I haven't clicked like this in a while. I think it helps me to feel motion. It's like a battle. I have to fight my time limit and I have to fight to keep my hand steady on the train. Each successful word is a win.

I break up my train writing with a few paragraphs of reading at my Clark/Lake transfer.

Then back to the writing. This time I'm already cruising in the scene so I hop in and my hand cramps and I push through it because this shit is good, like really good, and I love to write today and yesterday and hopefully tomorrow because it. is. clicking. My scribbling is almost hieroglyphic at this point because of the continued rocking of the train mixed with my own fury. My story is moving and I'm moving and my pen just won't stop, not for one second. I'm shooting through a tunnel, the wettest and dankest and the screaming kids or the piss smell or the wobbling, cussing homeless guy can't stop me until, until we shoot forth from the tunnel and yes, it is an ejaculation. I am spent. I am finished.

In the transition from Division to Damen I retire. I take a deep breath because I can see light again. I am back with the living.

I have survived.

On the stuff I'm reading (up to this point):
In the way that Hubert Selby Jr. turned Brooklyn into a character, Doctorow has turned point in history into a character. As readers we hop around from historical persona to historical persona, from Harry Houdini to J.P. Morgan to Emma Goldman. I'm not finished but it's pretty good.
For the wunderbar Sheree L. Greer. Now this is my first time reading anything other than the news on my phone so it has taken some getting used to. This is also my first time reading any of Greer's work. I've heard her read and she's musical. I was worried that the music I heard in her readings wouldn't come off on the, er, screen, but it did. It does. I'm not done yet, only a few shorts in, but the way they're written, I feel like she's reading them into my brain. It reads like an instance collection about flirtation. The instances I've read flirt with Love and Sexuality. I will update this shit ^ when I finish the collection.

500 Words of Summer

2011-05-19T12:08:00.001-05:00

Watching a documentary about Burroughs. It's nice to learn about a writer's life. The amount of people that he influenced...

I am watching this in preparation for writing some words of a novel about...explorers...of sorts. The cat is playing with a stuffed squirrel. I am part of a Facebook sort of group. The mission is similar to that of NaNoWriMo but it takes place over the entire summer. People are posting their word count on the page and moving on to the next 500, 1000, 10,000 words. People are writing the stuff they want to write and due to deadlines (self imposed or not) are pushing through their own criticisms because there is no time to dwell on shitty parts. I like that.

This Shit is Piranhas

2011-03-19T11:11:00.001-05:00

Learning Java is hard. If anybody knows how to teach me I will make dinner e'ery night.

Elegant, universal.

2011-02-06T10:56:00.000-06:00

I am officially half done with The Elegant Universe, and sometimes it blows my mind so hard I have to sit and breathe. Other times I ask a lot of questions that I hope this guy will answer.

It is helping me write my book. My characters are driving to Alaska to the location of a meteor/bolide. It lands in the winter in Fairbanks and I'm curious to find out what happens to the northern lights when this happens. I might have to make it up. (it would be more fun to do that anyway.)

Who Killed Andreas Willhoff

2011-01-28T11:43:00.001-06:00

Hey there.

I've been writing every day since January 16th. I know it hasn't been that long, but I'm trying to rebuild my regimen. It seems to have fallen apart over the past few months. Sometimes I'm not so sure about this whole writing thing. Sometimes my motivations seem impure. Sometimes I don't know what I want to do.

I have a cat.

I've had him since November and his name is Huxley. He is very energetic and likes to try to stand on my laptop while I'm typing. I really like him. The only problem is, right now, I'm getting the itch to find a seasonal job somewhere far away. Things get a little harder when you have an animal.

I finished reading The Lazarus Project. It was pretty cool how Hemon was able to weave these two immigrant stories together. One story is about Lazarus Averbuch in the beginning of the 20th century. He is a Jewish immigrant in a time when the many people in the U.S. hate Jews. Many people in the world hated the Jews. Lazarus survived the Kishinev Pogrom. They also fear Anarchism. Lazarus was sent to Chicago Police Chief Shippy's house. He was sent by his boss at the factory. He was a hard worker. Shippy's wife thought he looked dangerous and it resulted in both Chief Shippy and his bodyguard, James Foley shooting Lazarus many times. The other story is of a writer named Brik. He is researching Lazarus' story. In doing so, he travels to Eastern Europe (towns Lazarus lived in) and has the unique experience of being considered and American in his home country while being considered Bosnian in the U.S.

Fascinating.

Now I'm reading The Elegant Universe by Brian Greene. It's about Super String Theory and, as you may assume, it's pretty fucking mind blowing. I feel more inspired to write when I read non-fiction. It is research without feeling like research. The book I'm writing involves a meteor (technically a bollide). It's important to know the way the universe acts in order to write these stories. It's also interesting to think about time as relative (in accordance with Einstein's theory of Special Relativity).

I could seriously go on and on.

Now I'm listening to Amanda Palmer and thinking that my crush on her will never go away.

It's Been Quite Some Time

2010-12-11T19:35:00.004-06:00

Making shallot and potato soup as I type.

And now it's done. I kind of just started writing this because it's been a long time. And Zack finally updated his blog, so I felt like I probably should too. I guess there are some updates in order:

I am currently reading The Lazarus Project by Aleksandar Hemon. A novel (I guess you could say) about Chicago. It's very fun so far.

I applied for a job at Groupon and made it to the second phase, but that's where my journey stopped. It was a fun exercise in writing a very specific form, but I don't think I was ever very good at writing parodies.

I read Scorch Atlas by Blake Butler. I was a little disappointed by it. I might catch some flack for that, but I get bored by some of his sentences. Not just his sentences but sentences that are there just for the sound or look of the words. That's all I have to say on that.

Really, It's More Like I'm 10; or, Ruminations on history

2010-10-05T21:39:00.000-05:00

I turned 25 today. I have lived a quarter century and I feel like I've done a lot of stuff. I've grown. I've changed. Stuff that happened on October 5th throughout history:

The City of Anaheim was founded.

The World Series was broadcast on the radio for the 1st time.

The first documented recovery meeting of Narcotics Anonymous.

Dr. No was released, introducing Hollywood to James Bond.

Goodnight ya'll!

Things That I Plan To Do With My Life

2010-09-13T22:14:00.000-05:00

This comes first and foremost.

I am tired of being inactive. I am a barista and a writer and one of those occupations can do something about this. It's time that I do something. For a long time I have been guarded about my feelings on politics and morality. Tonight the curtain comes down. I have already emailed one senator and the United States Commissioner to the International Whaling Commission. Her name is Monica Medina and you can email her at publicconcerns.whales@noaa.gov.

There are some things that are going to be put on hold for a while.

Excerpted from "House of Mirrors"

2010-08-07T15:01:00.000-05:00

Times have changed for you/I/us. I couldn't see a thing a month ago. You/we didn't exist. Just I. Back then, I was blind, but now we/I/you see everything. Well, physically, we see us. There was a time where we saw the world around us too. We saw the physical world for a few weeks and now we only see us.

Let's recap the beginning of us. It was I then. I rode the train to and from everywhere. I went places though I was blind. The world was a mysterious danger to me then. I ticked my cane against concrete, a sort of tick tock scree sound, we remember.

I scurried onto a train car, somewhat busy, but I found a seat.

I sat.

And there yes, right there across from me was you. Me. I could see. I could see myself reflected back at me. It had to be me because his movements matched my own. His posture was my posture. At the next stop he slid from view. I prayed for more of those sights. Even though I was only seeing myself, I was seeing something. I was seeing a face I hadn't seen in years. Decades even. I am not a young man and have been blind since I was a young boy. A sickness, you see. It seemed, on that train, that the sickness was reversed. My eyes saw with little sensitivity. I witnessed my facee and body and let me tell you, friends, I did not like what I saw. But I saw. When I eventually got off the train, I ticked my way along, saddened by my recent loss of eyesight again...

I'm a One Man Guy

2010-07-10T13:39:00.000-05:00

News News News!

I have been working on a story about a blind man who starts to get his sight back. First it's only his reflection, then the rest of the world starts to come into view. He has a glorious moment of all vision before it starts to fade again and leaves him in his apartment surrounded by mirrors, talking to himselves. The coup de grace is when he loses even that, loses his sight all over again.

I just finished James Kaelan's novella We're Getting On. I've always loved/been completely fascinated with stories that use the physical medium to show how a character or situation changes. The sections count down from ten, or, more accurately, X. A symbol more than a number. The main character slowly removes different symbols like time and, eventually names and punctuation. He stops using traditional directions like North, Southwest, etc. I guess I started reading this at the right time since I'm working on this new story and all. Another cool thing about this novella is that the cover is impregnated (love that word when it isn't connected with babies) with spruce seeds. If, after sprouting and planting the seeds from the cover, one spruce tree grows, it will offset the carbon footprint of my book 7,000 times over.

I'm about halfway through Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner. It's a hard read. I get kind of tired of Faulkner sometimes. His sentences in this book are half a page long. I grew up on the internet and feel like I lack the focus to remember what the sentence is about in the first place. That's only sometimes. On the other hand, it's a pretty interesting read. The language kicks ass, as per usual, and in the first quarter there was already talk of horse carriage drag races, underground fight clubs, and duels for women. It's a book that needs to be read outside underneath a tree. Maybe underneath the spruce tree that grows from Kaelan's book.

I am looking for people to read my stuff. If you want to read rough drafts and give feedback/ask questions, comment on this post or email me and I will send you something.

This never gets old.

Friday.

2010-06-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

Last night I had a dream that I smoked a blunt. I had another dream that I met a 30-something year old woman and told her I thought she was beautiful.

Here are some videos!

Really, this is all for me.

Uno, Dos, Tres

2010-06-21T22:53:00.001-05:00

I was in 4th grade when Toy Story came out in theaters. I remember the line being halfway down the block when I went to see it with my dad and my brother, Zack. I also remember being about ten feet from the door when we were told it was sold out.

Instead, we saw Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.

Today I am 24 and I have just watched the third installment of the Toy Story series. It was very touching to me because they felt like my toys. I might be biased about this movie because of that. I grew up with them. It might have horrible reviews but I never really read reviews. Everybody might hate it but to me it’s a home video. It’s weird but seeing this movie reminded me of Ace Ventura. It brought to memory how I used to run around the playground at recess like my arms had been shot with tranquilizer darts. I remember talking to this girl, Betsy, about how funny the movie was and, at the time, thinking that I wished I’d seen Toy Storyinstead. And now I’ve seen them all.

My girlfriend is taking a bath and I’m on the couch writing this in the apartment we share with Zack. Tomorrow I will go back to being a barista, but right now I’m nine. No students loans, no rent. No cell phone, no worries, no facebook. That’s why I like these movies. Pixar had me at hello. Sure they aren’t Godard or Kurosawa. I love them the same.

O, nostalgia,
there was a time I forgot
You existed.
I looked forward then,
and now back,
un pendule de temps
I seek a center.

I've Changed!

2010-06-12T12:35:00.000-05:00

Hey you. Yes you.

I have decided to change the look of my blog and I like it. Though, I think I'm going to have to change the banner. Oh well. Some news:

I'm writing poetry. More on this later.
I've almost finished my re-write of "Says Arlo". It's a story about six ranchers and a sheriff burying 53 dead cows after a fellow rancher shoots all of his cattle before shooting himself. It's about mortality. Go figure. One of these days I'll get away from that theme. Arlo was friends with the now dead neighbor, Abe. He is old and the older he gets, the more friends die. I want to explore what it's like to be confronted with death almost exponentially. What does it do to Arlo when his last friend dies? Does he use each cow as if it were a heavy memory, burying it deep, until finally all the weight is off his shoulders? Or does that weight pile up with each hole dug like words adding up to a sentence? I'm trying to find out.
I broke a string on my guitar so I haven't been playing so much. I plan on getting new strings and writing some music soon.
Working on making a website for Inkshed. Writing my own code = headaches galore²

That's all I got for now. I'll check back soon.

Evelyn Evelyn, Amanda Amanda, Jason Jason, and Sxip Sxip

2010-06-03T19:43:00.003-05:00

Went to a great show last night. Evelyn Evelyn played at Park West. They are conjoined twin sisters who play piano, guitar, accordion, and ukulele. They aren't just musicians. They don't just play music on stage. They are theatrics personified. It was almost like watching a musical. I feel how I imagine the first audience to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch felt. Accompanying them was Amanda Palmer, Jason Webley, and Sxip Shirey. Jason Webley has a bit of a Tom Waits vibe and even in a venue like Park West he kept his street performer history alive. A good musician and entertaining as hell. Sxip Shirey is this incredible mix of hip-hop and traditional Eastern European music. I think he would collaborate nicely with Saul Williams.

Amanda Palmer, well, I am in love with this woman. Her lyrics have the poetry of Leonard Cohen. And she's hot.

Right? I mean, right?

The show opened my eyes to something. This was my first concert I went to where everyone was sitting down. During the performances people would creep into the aisles and take pictures with their cell phones. I almost wanted to take a picture of those people with my phone, but I said no. I would enjoy this show without the use of any camera.

Here's the problem. As a person I judge these people for seeing every experience through a camera. The same thing happened in Alaska. Everyone wanted to capture every little thing. They saw their whole boat trip through a lens and probably don't remember it.

On the other hand, I see events as a writer. While I judged those photographers for their lack of experiencing, I thought about how I would write this blog post. I had to constantly check myself to make sure I was conscious of the event. I see everything as a story or a part of a story or a character trait. I wonder if my writing would be better if those thoughts didn't enter my brain until I was sitting down to write. I wonder if any writer is capable of doing that. I'm going to try I think.

How do you deal with this aspect of your life as a writer? Do you cage the writer? Do you keep her on a short leash? Or, do you let the writer roam free and see the entire world as a story to be put on a page?

Hrm Hrm Hrm

2010-05-25T16:38:00.000-05:00

Check it out

Quick Question

2010-05-15T08:36:00.002-05:00

When did book reviews start being poems?

Hair Trigger 32

2010-05-12T18:45:00.000-05:00

Jackie had something to say about this issue. Also I'm in it. Also, 66.666666667 percent of the student editing staff made it in. I haven't read all of their stories so I can't say whether any of them are undeserving or not, but I thought it was an interesting fact. Makes me wonder about those other three people on the staff though.

But, hey, they put me in there.

Working on a story right now. Writing is hard.

I don't really have much else to say about that. Been listening to a lot of Gogol Bordello since seeing them live.

Beard is the New Black

2010-05-05T18:56:00.000-05:00

Dear Redeye,

Why?

For anyone who hasn't seen today's Redeye, I will break it down for you:

I, Andreas Willhoff, apparently, am a sex addict? Oy vey. Needless to say, I got some interesting looks at work. One customer even came back with a friend to gawk.

Question: Why would the Redeye have such a cover design? One theory is that they wanted to put a John Q. Public face on sex addiction. That face is one Chad Kimball. Who? Exactly. If it were a celebrity, people might not identify with the topic? But, if it were a celebrity, I wouldn't have this problem. How hard would it be to choose an image of two people in embrace or, since the "article" is about an internet porn addiction and not a sex addiction, a stock photo of a search box with the word, "boobs" in it?

My other gripe is with a lot of people I run into. They don't notice subtlety. Co-workers who see me every day didn't notice that this guy has a dark mustache and mine is barely even considered blonde. More like opaque. My glasses are different, too, but whatever. One of my co-workers actually thought someone took a sneak picture of me. First of all, it would be a damn hard job to hide a lighting kit in the top button of your shirt. Second, really? Sorry, I am prone to digression.

I mentioned above that this is really about a porn addiction and not a sex addiction and I find it concerning that these "reporters" can't tell the difference. It never mentioned the lengths he would go to just to put his dick into some wet meat. In fact, this "article" makes his addiction seem pretty weak. He would "stop looking at porn for a couple of weeks only to return to his habit as part of what he described as his 'binge and purge' cycle'". So you're saying that he would get horny and look at porn for a bit, then he would get it out of his system and take a couple weeks off? This guy is fucking inSANE. His hands had to have a permanent Lubriderm sheen with such an addiction.

Maybe if we just use the phrase "sex addict" enough, it will be true. Maybe we need to talk to the DSM people and get it put in the book. There is a proposal to include a "hypersexual disorder" in 2013 but hypersexual doesn't sound so bad. We need sex addiction.

Last thing, this isn't really an article. It is seven short paragraphs and the last one is just a quote from Kimball. The rest of the two page spread reads like a FAQ page you find after a quick Google search. How much is rehab? What is a sex addict?

Epiphany: This is what happens when print tries to keep up with the internet. This, the cover story of the Redeye (I'm not really sure why I'm so surprised that it isn't news, but I kind of am seeing as page 3 is about Faisal Shahzad), is more like a really boring website.

If only they could just link to his blog directly. I hope they do an article on vigilantes next.

Pre-Ordered!

2010-04-24T12:01:00.000-05:00

Ben Spivey's Flowing in the Gossamer Fold now has a cover. The art and the artist look vaguely familiar...

It actually kind of reminds me of a Scooby-Doo chase sequence. The editors at Blue Square Press got a pretty awesome blurb from Brian Evenson. I'd say that's a pretty big deal. I can't wait to read this.

Oh, and I'm finally getting my copy of Rocket's from my parents' house. Oh boy, what else? The End of Faith is a pretty heavy book. I find myself re-reading passages a lot. Sam Harris basically states that religious moderates, "are, in large part, responsible for the religious conflict in the world, because their beliefs provide the context in which scriptural literalism and religious violence can never be adequately opposed."

Chew on that.

Fewg Stayt

2010-04-19T16:26:00.002-05:00

That would be my rap name if i were a serious rapper and not just a drunken free-styler. I finished Brian Evenson's Fugue State this morning. I really liked it, but at the end I was left wondering, what is the difference between theme and redundancy? The stories in this collection are all pretty damn good on their own with some of them tying together, or at least feeling like they do later on. But I did feel, at the end, that I would've liked a little more variety thrown in. Especially towards the end, when I want to ride the common wave of the work as a whole while reaching to that next step to finish it off right. Paranoia and unreliability ooze from both "Fugue State" and the last story, "The Adjudicator". I got the same feeling from a lot of the stories.

There were definitely some gems, though. I would say that "In the Greenhouse" was the scariest story in there. Without the right pacing, I could see this story reading like an episode of Scooby-Doo, but Evenson knocks it out of the park. "Ninety Over Ninety" takes a step away from suspense and shows the reader a different kind of horror story: the publishing industry.

My final verdict is that I will read it again, but one story at a time, at sporadic intervals. The writing is very tight and can teach me a lot. But it needs a break. Up next is The End of Faith by Sam Harris.

There is also this:

Looks a little more practical to me. They're at least trying to show us things it can do that their other products can't.

Going to start playing this soon:

Dayum

2010-04-15T13:14:00.001-05:00

So issue six of >kill author is fucking good. I especially like the poem "Upside-down" by Mark Neely. That's some smart shit.

And, after a writing hiatus, it appears that Craig Clevenger is back to work on his third novel. And apparently hanging out in Bolivia? If you haven't read any of his stuff, you should check it out. if you can find it.

Working a double today. Should be napping, but I'm not tired. I will be though. Probably halfway through my second shift.

In Other News...

2010-04-09T14:20:00.001-05:00

http://www.amazon.com/La-Niebla-ebook/dp/B003CV7UWA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=digital-text&qid=1269572426&sr=8-1

Ingrid Rojas Contreras's manuscript, La Niebla, is in the running for Penguin's Breakthrough Novel Award for unpublished authors. Check it out. I'm reading it now. Pretty tight writing.

Oh yeah, this is pretty cool too.

You should also check out Wizard People, Dear Readers by Brad Neely.

I'm noticing a trend in the way news/blog topics spread across the little community I've entered. A lot of said news/topics come from HTMLGIANT or The Rumpus. They then filter down to Bark, or The Barking (not sure on the actual title) or to blogs without multiple contributors (solo projects). So by the time I move down the line, the news is old and boring. If I post something that I find on HTMLGIANT, odds are, it's already been seen by the people that read my own blog. This being said, I am trying to swim ever deeper into the World Wide Abyss to find news or videos or something that hasn't been commented on 100 times already.

What's funny is I found out about Wizard People from HTMLGIANT and not Brad Neely's website.

Rocket's Red Glare

2010-04-04T14:41:00.003-05:00

So, if this works, you should be seeing a banner I designed for David Peak. If the next part works, you should be able to embed it into your blog? We'll see.

<a href="http://www.leucrotapress.com/Rocketsglare.html"><img class="centered" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_jO_EAym6c5M/S7jbkk5DJNI/AAAAAAAAAF0/2aDMzXsLVzU/redglarebanner.gif" /></a>

How this all started is, I was thinking about marketing. What goes into successful advertising? I figure there are a couple essential steps. The first step is to obviously promote the product. This is done with things like banner ads. Other tactics: graffiti (chalk or otherwise), email or text message campaigns, and contests put up by the publisher or author. Really it's about creating familiarity between the consumer and the...consumed? To do this, you want something, a similarity between all of it. I chose to keep the Red. Also the cover art. Now do this with another medium and another and repeat and repeat and repeat until people get curious enough to see what all the hoopla is about.

The next step would be to get people pumped about about the author. Products have logos, but what about people? Symbols. Freud had his cigar. Michael Jordan has the dunk silhouette. For David (unless he's changed drastically since moving to New York) there are two things.

That's right, a beard and a sweater. (By the way, part of me thought that Beard and Sweater Books would be a pretty sweet name for a micro press but this is cool too.) As much as it sucks to say, diluting a person to a handful of features makes them memorable. Drew Carey has his glasses and David has his sweaters. And a beard of the gods. You boil the person down until the person becomes the product and the product is just a companion you buy to get more of the person. I'm pretty sure once you turn the person into the product, that's when you start making butt loads of money. Then you release a jacket or a shirt that just has the above image (from here on out to be known as Peak by Peak^TM) repeated like a god damn Louis Vitton bag.

Seriously though, Peak by Peak^TM aside, pay attention to this guy. He kicks ass.

Sigh

2010-03-31T19:58:00.002-05:00

This is where I pinch the bridge of my nose.

http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2010-03-11-lastsong11_CV_N.htm

Guess What Ya'll!

2010-03-24T19:47:00.002-05:00

Inkshed number one has just arrived. Like, this instant. Hot off the presses, or, like, hot off the lexmark. It's bee-a-utiful. I have to, that is, we have to, give a big shout out to Jackie for bringing the pain and the noise and the all out insane crazy shit with her illustration skills. You can buy a copy of this limited edition zine **cough cough** printed in our apartment. hand stapled. hand cover designed **cough cough** here. That link will take you to the official Inkshed Magazine blog. Follow the instructions provided and we will mail you a copy. You will then love up on it and, with sweat on your brow, cuddle it to your chest like a small kitten.

More Noose on Inkshed

2010-03-16T13:12:00.000-05:00

The noose iss here

Also, thoughts on this?

Soon, the Handymen Will Takeover the World

2010-03-02T21:20:00.002-06:00

A note from Amazon.com:

Customers Who Bought Items in Your Recent History Also Bought: ...?

I'm still waiting on David's book. One of these days the communication occurring between Leucrota Press and Amazon will meet up and the world will be right again. I don't know who messed up. I just want my book. I want to read it and smell its pages and, most of all, I want to mainline that story.

I am also waiting on an edited submission for Inkshed.

There is a lot of waiting going on. I could be writing. I should be writing, but the thought of it is tiresome. Got the rejection letter from SIU yesterday. Hard to keep going, keep pushing myself. It just seems so much easier to play my guitar than to punch out a story. I've looked at my writing and a lot of it reads like I'm trying to copy my way into The New Yorker. I'm going to take the almost-two-weeks until the zine comes out to elegantly move out of my own way and let the writing spill.

Fast writing and slow editing is what I need.

Though I am not writing on the page, I am writing in my head. I have been thinking about a few short stories and the novel and also, a few poems.

Poems is right. I used to write poetry for myself sometimes. Gave up on it for a while.

It was actually David's poetry that told me

even a fiction writing major can write

P-O-E-M-S.

Where do you get permission?

Peers?
Famous authors?
Do you need permission at all anymore?

Check it

The trailer is up!

2010-03-01T02:16:00.002-06:00

Some changes

2010-02-21T19:15:00.000-06:00

So, long story, we changed the name of Redheaded Stepchild to Inkshed Magazine. There is a brief explanation on the new blog.

There's no need to yell

2010-02-17T21:32:00.005-06:00

I realized while waiting for the train at 4:40 am so I could open at the coffee shop that:

If someone yellspeaks in conversation, I automatically assume that they are stupid.

I wonder if any studies have been done about the volume of a person's speech and how it affects perception, intelligence, and listening skills.

I am currently working on a trailer for David M. Peak's book, The Rocket's Red Glare which comes out this Saturday. The pressure is on to complete this thing. It's fun to make and will hopefully be fun to watch. There will also be an upcoming post on Pixar's Up. There seems to be a lot of flack about it being nominated. About it existing in general. I am doing multiple drafts so that my defense will be well thought out and honest.

O, Beauty!

2010-01-17T19:50:00.000-06:00

I'm working on a very special project and it should be done in a couple weeks. hopefully it will blow minds. For those in the know: shhhhh.

Ever wonder what happens when you give the world's best snowboarder two helicopters and 4 million dollars? You get the would be offspring of a snowboarding movie and Planet Earth. This movie is simply incredible. It has a good soundtrack and gorgeous shots. Enjoy the teaser. The movie is beyond awesome.

All's Clear on the Midwestern Front!

2010-01-11T23:22:00.000-06:00

There be some news:

While I was originally going to apply to the grad schools at UOregon and SIU, I have decided to only apply to SIU. They look like a great school and the deadline is the beginning of February. I don't feel so rushed.

Due to my letters of recommendation fiasco/I never thought that one teacher would be the one to be so flaky and that other teacher wasn't flaky at all Zack and I are pushing the Redheaded Stepchild release date back about a month and a half.

Now, now, now, don't get your sweatpants in a twist. We are working hard for you. For you! And it's going to be very awesome when we finish it and show it to you. Jackie is working on illustrations. We have stories and the layout pretty much done. We just have to have the time.

A couple days ago I pre-ordered David Peak's debut novel The Rocket's Red Glare. Pre-order it here!

war? all out. infinite.

2009-12-20T12:40:00.000-06:00

What started out as a light jab at Zack has become an all out war. I said rivalry and he bumped it up a peg. It's on. Submission war it is. Publication war it will be. Starting mid-January, my goal is submission. I will work and work for money and, after that, I will work and work for art. That is how my days will start and end. Zack, I hope you're willing to dig your nails into the dirt and claw yourself through this.

We will smile with missing teeth.

Well, well, well

2009-12-16T13:50:00.000-06:00

So I guess, let the rivalry begin.

My little brother, my younger brother, Zack got a piece published in Newcity.

That son of a bitch.

Graduate Schools, You Slay Me.

2009-12-13T19:39:00.000-06:00

Taking a little mental break from one of my writing samples. Trying to make it a damn good one. I'm sitting on the couch with my guitar on one side and Krista's dog, Cricket on the other. David is on fire. He has a book, a book of poetry, and a chapbook all on their way. I told him to slow down but he won't listen. He said, "All this stuff was written a while ago. It just happens to be coming out around the same time." Whatever. It still means he, you, had a pretty good spell of writing. Anyway, keep it up. It gets me moving.

Jackie has signed on to help us out with the Stepchild design. She has some good ideas so you should be excited. Even more excited than you already were. If you're still thinking of submitting, please do.

Anyway, back to work. I have to make this a slamming piece.

My Life: Post NaNoWriMo

2009-12-03T11:32:00.002-06:00

In the second half of November I was a too busy to blog. I had to keep pushing out words. I'm back on the wagon now and I had some thoughts about blogging while I didn't blog. The first thought I had was about audience. I'm sure every other blogger out there has commented on this but it's still interesting to me.

We, writers of blogs, assume, must assume that we have readers. I guess it is similar to keeping audience in mind when writing a story but I don't know. It feels different to me. I feel the need to keep my posts somewhat personal, like a wink wink, nudge nudge sort of thing between friends. Another thing that keeps it different is that it isn't always a story with writing a blog. It's news. As a blogger it is my job to deliver the news of me and my friends and to deliver it straight to you. Weird.

More news, dear reader (that is my best Ignatius J. Reilly):

I am applying to grad school and so far the candidates are SIU and University of Oregon. Having a little trouble with this personal statement. Having even more trouble reaching Deb for my third letter of rec.

I am editing Redheaded Stepchild and get the website in order and get the stencil ready for the cover art.

I am re-working a story.

Also, I am participating in an upcoming event held at Joone Studios. 1327 N. Ashland ave. The event is December 11, 2009 and I will be part of a group playing a live storytelling game. The event is called Night of the Living Story and there will be four of us on stage. The audience will write a noun on a piece of paper until we have a stack in front of us. Then it starts like person-action-person. The first story teller has 30 seconds to start his story. He can keep going until either the word "umm" or the word "like" (inappropriate use) come out. A referee will blow the story dead and the next person has to pick up from that point and also grab a card from the stack and work that into the story some how. This is the first time we're doing this so it should be fun. Check it out. I think there's a 5 dollar cover but I'm not really sure.

I think that's it.

ha ha! victory is mine!

2009-11-30T20:45:00.002-06:00

NaNoWriMo Day 10

2009-11-10T20:54:00.000-06:00

17,421 words!

I've been really trying to make this a decent piece even though I have barely any idea where it's going. So far I've been doing a lot of thinking at work. Thinking that doesn't involve coffee whatsoever. It feels good to think of something I'm working on and not something I plan to work on in the future.

The real test is going to come this weekend when I head down to Carbondale, IL. Four long days without my computer. I will be writing by hand when I have time. It would be nice to see Kent Haruf. One can dream. Maybe I'll stalk around campus a bit. Maybe I won't even set foot near SIU. I don't really know anything about Carbondale. I know there wine down there. And meth. And a fair amount of racism. Should be a blast though. I'm sure I will have some pictures up next week of all my adventures on the South side of IL.

Also, you should pre-order David Peak's chapbook Museum of Fucked. It's being put out by the people at Warm Milk Printing Press.

NaNoWriMo Day 8

2009-11-08T23:49:00.001-06:00

12,000 words and counting...

Zack has spent 4 hours making a street bike out of Legos, de-constructing it, then turning it into a chopper. As he works it into its chopper shape, we're watching MST3K.

But soon I will go to bed.

I've been thinking of writing and recording a novel in songs. Maybe after NaNoWriMo.

Also, I remembered this show and luckily Krista is older than I and remembers these things better.

Enjoy, Zoobilee Zoo

NaNoWriMo Day 3

2009-11-04T00:48:00.001-06:00

Though it is technically day 4 since I'm writing this at 12:29 am, I am concluding day 3 of my NaNoWriMo experience. So far so good. Over 5,000 words and still going. I fear that I will lose steam once I reach 9,000. I hope not. So far I haven't written anything that truly sucks. I still have some time before I give up on quality totally and write a poetic, word salad rendition of a story. It could be a departure chapter. Departure from reality. Departure from any actual form, really. Jackie is doing it also, so give her a little support.

Other things that have happened in the past couple of days. Zack found another Redheaded Stepchild. I thought he checked this out when he was in small press publishing. Maybe he did and maybe they're new, but older than us. Maybe I just assumed, but after careful consideration, we're going to keep the name. They are an online only publication that deals strictly with poetry that has been rejected before. Submit to them if you'd like but remember where your loyalty lies. If I hadn't been working on the website for the past month already, and if we hadn't put the name everywhere we could with an email address telling people to submit, we would have changed the name. I'm sure it will evolve into something entirely its own in the future.

I read this essay called "Go the Distance", by Benjamin Percy in the latest Poets & Writers. It's about his love for Rocky and how that inspired him to submit the same story over and over through 39 rejections until finally the editor of the Antioch Review called him and accepted the story. A little while later (some months), Salman Rushdie listed Percy's story, "In the Rough" as one of the 100 Distinguished Stories in The Best American Short Stories 2008. Talk about a Cinderella story.

Ma'as Salaam,

Andreas

Submissive and Halloween-y

2009-11-01T01:54:00.000-05:00

I have submitted to Glimmer Train on this, the eve of NaNoWriMo. The next month will be full of a lot of bad writing and hopefully some good to really good writing. Pressure brings out the genius in me.

Tonight I went to Spring Grove, IL to take some friends to a haunted corn maze. Richardson Farm. Before we left, we stopped at the store to buy some candy. By some candy I mean at least 5 lbs. We needed rations for the hour and a half car ride. They'd never been to a corn maze so we had to go. It was cold and fun and they sold apple cider and all that and I think they had a few 10 year-olds working in the fields. The moon was pretty full and the night was clear. High School girls made fun of the ghouls. Everyone stayed in character for the most part. Krista wasn't prepared for the cold so I gave her my hat and gloves. She forced me to hold her hand because she was so scared of the maze. Not only had she not ever been to a corn maze before tonight, she has never been to a haunted house EVER.

Afterwards I ate a Whopper.

After that I sent out my story and drank a beer. People talked outside. Cars rattled by. Leaves blew down the sidewalk accompanied by wrappers and masks. Tomorrow morning I will find soggy candy on the ground.

Hello, what's your name?

2009-10-29T11:13:00.000-05:00

Diplodocus...

Diplodocus...

Diplodocus...

I'm learning to play piano.

Evolution of Story

2009-10-24T14:59:00.000-05:00

This is incredible. How people tell stories and how people respond to stories seems to be changing. We Feel Fine, the website/art project/story machine created by Jonathan Harris enables you, the "reader", to see quick glimpses into the lives of internet citizens. It is sometimes better than flash fiction. It it always voyeuristic.

This man is a genius.

There is also The Whale Hunt to check out.

And now I must write, for there is submittin' to be had!

Thank you, Spike Jonze

2009-10-20T23:47:00.003-05:00

Just got back from watching Where the Wild Things Are. Early on, Max's mom (Catherine Keener) asks Max, "What is wrong with you?!?"

The rest of the movie is the perfect answer. James Gandolfini nails the role of Carol. Max Records has pretty damn good range for being so young. The Wild Things looked incredible. Not the best movie in the entire world, but it was the best movie that could be made from that book.

NaNoWriMo, or, Big Ups to the Ones Who Inspire Me

2009-10-17T12:50:00.000-05:00

I was encouraged by Jackie to sign up for NaNoWriMo. My original plan was to use this to work on my novel in progress. I looked at the rules and it said it had to be from scratch and that outlines were OK. I tried to tell myself that 90 pages was just a very detailed outline, or that I was going to start over, but it still felt like cheating. It will be brand new with characters I thought up in my first Advanced Fiction Writing class.

Also, Jackie has started another blog/project called Jacquelyn // Alfred. Check it out. Though, if you click on the link to her blog, you'll get the link to the new project also.

You might want to read David Peak's story in Pank.

There's also The Green Flash to read and love.

More to come...

Red Headed Step-Child

2009-10-11T21:33:00.002-05:00

Here's what's happening: Zack (my brother) and I are starting a literary zine called Red Headed Step-Child. Maybe we should rewind a bit. A couple years ago, Zack was in a class called Small Press Publishing and he had a mind orgasm that resulted in a bastard child of a magazine. Zack treated it the way you'd treat any Red Head Step-Child; he neglected it. For all intents and purposes, he left it outside behind the house, chained to a post.

Zack went about his life.

I went about mine.

I spent two Summers in Alaska and Zack was...well, Zack just was.

Enter epiphany. One day, I noticed the bastard idea crouching in the back yard and I remembered seeing it once before when Zack was still excited about it. When he still showed people pictures from his wallet. I reminded him of this.

"Zack."

"Yeah?"

"Remember that Red Headed Step-Child thing?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's do it. Like for real do it."

"OK."

fin

So that's where you come in. We need submissions. Without those, we'll have to put the poor idea to rest. Help us revive this lovable little shit. 2,000 words is all we ask. We will accept any length up to 2,000. Even, say, 25 words if it ruled ass. Hell, I haven't discussed this with Zack but I'm even open to poetry. 3 poems or up to 2,000 words of fictions. That's not all. There's more. Submit via email to redheadedzine@gmail.com. Copy and Paste your story into the body of said email. Also include a short, third person bio about yourself. We mean short. Ten(10) words is all you get. I'm begging you, please, please submit to redheadedzine@gmail.com. We'll love you for it. Like creepy love. Like stand in the rain next to your car creepy. Whether you're in it or not.

Thanks.

***UPDATE***

Also, I'm an idiot. I forgot something. What we're looking for in your writing. We want beautiful writing about ugly people. Ugly writing about Beautiful people. Think, slice of bread on the floor, jelly side down. Humorous and unfortunate. Unfortunately humorous.

***UPDATE***

***UPDATE***

We've set the deadline for submissions. December 1st.

***UPDATE***

BLCKSTN/The Links post

2009-10-01T18:13:00.001-05:00

I saw a license plate earlier today with those very letters. BLCKSTN is what it read. My first thought was that it meant Black Stain. But then I realized it was probably Black Satin. So far I have come up with more:

Block Stain
Block Satin
Black Stan
Block Stan
Block Sittin
Blackstein
Black Stein

I think I would listen to a band called BLCKSTN.

Black Satan
Black Stone
Block Stone

The possibilities are endless. Maybe not endless but I think I want to be in a band called BLCKSTN. Also, I finally have an apartment, thought I'm not moved in. Soon, I will maybe have pictures.

This just in:
I read "The Anxiety of Brevity" by David Peak in the new Fictionary. It made me want to submit. And write more. And create more in general. Now to figure out how to motivate myself more instead of relying on David Peak, et al. By the way, Fictionary is also this. That's stimulating!

Bye.

Demo?

2009-09-21T17:58:00.002-05:00

This is a new song that I wrote simply for breaking in my cubase software.

For some reason the audio is super quiet. Probably because it isn't mastered yet, but I can't get it any louder. I guess you have to crank it.

My Alaska Post

2009-09-19T00:21:00.009-05:00

So I'm back in Illinois.

The first thing I noticed when I got back was the smell. It wasn't until I spent 5 months in Alaska with its sea breeze and fresh fish that I realized Illinois has a smell. Like grass and damp cow shit in Sycamore, IL. Hot garbage in Chicago. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Here is a list of things I did in AK:

-Shot my first firearm(s)
   -a Ruger .22 pistol, a .38, and two .44s
   -AWESOME
-Hitch hiked to Talkeetna for some sourdough hotcakes.
-Saw glowing plankton
-Played Nintendo Wii on a projector screen.
-Too many oil changes.
-Docked a boat...twice!
   -71.5 ft long
-Saw:
   -Breaching Humpback Whales
   -Breaching Orca Whales
   -Glaciers falling to pieces
   -So many cool birds
   -A floating sea lion pelt
   -Too many seasick people
-Learned how to ID different Orca pods by their dialect.
   -Fuck yeah

This is the most familiar pod in Resurrection Bay. They are called the AK6 pod and the tall guy there is known as AK1 or "Hive".

Those were the AK2s, AK6s (pictured above), and the AD16s. Recording by Dan Olsen. (The same captain who let me dock the boat)

I have to say it feels pretty great to be back in the lower 48 and it was wonderful being in the city for the past couple of days. I felt like I had just been unfrozen, viewing the world from my anachronistic eyes. The buildings were so, so tall. There were so many cars. And there was sunshine! It hardly mattered that I had to stay a day longer than I'd planned and had no fresh clothes, I was home. Getting excited about my future apartment and all the great stuff that will be done there.

***UPDATE***

***UPDATE***

Murder Ballads

2009-09-08T16:58:00.002-05:00

Holy shit, I need more murder ballads in my life. How did this genre of music escape me until only a few weeks ago? You'd think I would have found it in my switch from Funk Master Flex and Jay-Z to Mudvayne and the Murderdolls. Alas, not until this summer did I really get a chance to hear a murder ballad. Thank you Nick Cave.

I've also been listening a lot to Reverend Glasseye's Our Lady of the Broken Spine. Especially "Sleep Sweet Countrymen". These two albums have given me some good times.

As for my writing. It's ongoing. Trying to finish this story before I leave for Chicago. I plan on submitting it shortly after that. Apparently part of my process is to sit on a story until I'm absolutely sick of it. Only then do I move forward.

It seems that a lot of people are talking about being tired of narrative or unsure of where to go from here. David Peak writes:

"As a writer, at this point in my life, post-grad, working on my thesis, two books looming on the horizon, I'm at cross-purposes. I no longer know what I want from my writing. I've accomplished lots of my goals (not all of them, DIAGRAM!), and honestly, I have no idea what the next step is. It's a scary place to be. Because I know that if I don't take that next step forward, really challenge myself and work out something new, then I'm only going to be slipping backward into something comfortable. And that's not what I set out to do when I got into this whole writing mess."

Luckily for me, I'm not there yet. I don't think I've written enough to be scared of the next step or bored with it. The next step for me is still only, maybe, the first step. Maybe it's because I haven't gone to grad school? Not sure, but it's nice to have something to look forward to, these feelings I can only read about at the moment. As for worrying about stepping forward, I can only quote two writers:

"Originality, if it happens at all, happens by accident."--Jonathon Lethem

"Don't think."--Ray Bradbury

Gonna Be a Revival Tonight

2009-08-24T18:09:00.000-05:00

So I have officially entered my last three weeks in Seward, AK and I can't wait to get back to a city with ethnic food and movies and public transportation. oh my.

My creativity has jumped all over the place lately. I've been trying to design t-shirts, writing, sketching out possible paintings, thinking of song ideas. To do:

1. Find a job.

2. Find an apartment. (1 and 2 are interchangeable.)

3. I have two stories in the works right now as a way to prove to myself I can finish something. Maybe that way, this novel won't seem so daunting all the time.

4. I should probably learn to screen print with all these t-shirts coming to life in my sketchbook and computer.

5. I have to get a guitar in these hands.

This is the first design idea:

More to come...