Beard is the New Black

Dear Redeye,


Why?


For anyone who hasn't seen today's Redeye, I will break it down for you:

I, Andreas Willhoff, apparently, am a sex addict? Oy vey. Needless to say, I got some interesting looks at work. One customer even came back with a friend to gawk. 

Question: Why would the Redeye have such a cover design? One theory is that they wanted to put a John Q. Public face on sex addiction. That face is one Chad Kimball. Who? Exactly. If it were a celebrity, people might not identify with the topic? But, if it were a celebrity, I wouldn't have this problem. How hard would it be to choose an image of two people in embrace or, since the "article" is about an internet porn addiction and not a sex addiction, a stock photo of a search box with the word, "boobs" in it? 

My other gripe is with a lot of people I run into. They don't notice subtlety. Co-workers who see me every day didn't notice that this guy has a dark mustache and mine is barely even considered blonde. More like opaque. My glasses are different, too, but whatever. One of my co-workers actually thought someone took a sneak picture of me. First of all, it would be a damn hard job to hide a lighting kit in the top button of your shirt. Second, really? Sorry, I am prone to digression.

I mentioned above that this is really about a porn addiction and not a sex addiction and I find it concerning that these "reporters" can't tell the difference. It never mentioned the lengths he would go to just to put his dick into some wet meat. In fact, this "article" makes his addiction seem pretty weak. He would "stop looking at porn for a couple of weeks only to return to his habit as part of what he described as his 'binge and purge' cycle'". So you're saying that he would get horny and look at porn for a bit, then he would get it out of his system and take a couple weeks off? This guy is fucking inSANE. His hands had to have a permanent Lubriderm sheen with such an addiction. 


Maybe if we just use the phrase "sex addict" enough, it will be true. Maybe we need to talk to the DSM people and get it put in the book. There is a proposal to include a "hypersexual disorder" in 2013 but hypersexual doesn't sound so bad. We need sex addiction.


Last thing, this isn't really an article. It is seven short paragraphs and the last one is just a quote from Kimball. The rest of the two page spread reads like a FAQ page you find after a quick Google search. How much is rehab? What is a sex addict? 


Epiphany: This is what happens when print tries to keep up with the internet. This, the cover story of the Redeye (I'm not really sure why I'm so surprised that it isn't news, but I kind of am seeing as page 3 is about Faisal Shahzad), is more like a really boring website. 


If only they could just link to his blog directly. I hope they do an article on vigilantes next.